[spaceman spiff] calvin

cdoudt@gmail.com — Sat, 29 Jul 2006 04:54:37 GMT

Everybody's full of secrets.

Is it worth exposing someone's secret for a moment of pleasure? Is it worth exposing your own secret for attention that you actually crave?

Seeing everybody talk or gossip means something. Something interesting is bound to appear into the people's converstation as if it was important. The sad part is, you're asking me? I don't really care. If I try hard to dig deep down for secrets there are only a few to mention because I believe they aren't important to mention. What's the point of having secrets if you won't mention any of the secrets to anyone? If a secret is once exposed, it doesn't become a secret anymore so you might as well tell everyone. Now this part puzzles me... People are talking about something that someone wants to keep as a secret but that person doesn't know that his secret is being spread around from his own mistake. Why can't people keep secrets?

Oh wait. They're not secrets anymore. :]

cdoudt@gmail.com — Thu, 20 Jul 2006 01:55:05 GMT

and for the completely random moment, I decided it's time to update my little cute wholesome Livejournal.

I've been generally inspired by rock bands to share a little secret about them. Jimmy Page, a rock legend. If you've never heard of him, then you need to start listening to Led Zeppelin. Of course, check out Kashmir and Stairway to Heaven. There aren't enough classics in today's world to keep America running on its heels. Every single rock band's untapped potential can bring the energetic vibe to America, only if you know the music you're listening to.

Jimmy Eat World, now what kind of a name is that for a band? Pretty awesome, if I could name a band myself, it'd probably be something like Green Jelly. Of course, that's already taken. Coming up with a different band name like System of a Down (SOAD) is pretty difficult unless you're on crack or you're high like Charlie Murphy. Sometimes I wonder what rock stars do on their free time. Can you imagine having explosive amounts of money and you're pretty much set for the next 10 or 15 years. That is unless you spend tons of money on random things like houses and cars. Of course, I can't blame them, it's investments.

Invest wisely and ye shall never abandon hope at all. I wish I had more money than the middle class in America, I'd be pretty set and I'd probably ride the wind and soar over the ocean everyday.

I always believed in futures

cdoudt@gmail.com — Thu, 29 Jun 2006 01:08:43 GMT

I got up around 9 am this morning and I looked around for something that would make me feel as if I was home. If it wasn't for the measly infestation of the ants and mice in the house, I'm sure I would have felt some comfort of sleeping peacefully.

I've gotten a place off campus with a group of kids for the summer. Me and my brother living along with several other roommates until school starts. It's different, living with roommates, other than having a suitemate in a regular college dorm room. Money's an issue, food's another issue, and living inside a nicely painted house isn't easy to keep clean. A month's gone by and it isn't bad compared to when we first moved in, imagine a small hurricane whirled through the house until a week ago, everything was clean.

Things do gradually feel different after you graduate high school and finish your first year of college. I feel like there isn't enough time for myself while trying to do everything else.

I'll be Gallaudet's football team captain this fall with Jason Coleman on my side. Come and watch me play :]

On a side note, I have a level 26 Tauren Shaman and a level 8 Undead Warlock on teh Smolderthorn realm. If you ever decide to join World of Warcraft, check out the Smolderthorn realm and pick Horde. :D

Summer comes and goes

cdoudt@gmail.com — Thu, 08 Jun 2006 05:13:41 GMT

The anxious, awkward, unsummoned feeling pops up and goes away before you're given a chance to analyze it. Summer is here, it's here to stay for the next two and a half months. The past few days have been the exactly the same. You feel coordinated into filling your footsteps that created a mold for the past few days.

I can't help myself but sometimes I get to thinking about various of things, what would happen if I didn't follow these same footsteps or what could I do if I didn't have these footsteps leading me to my future.

Eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and then plop yourself down in front of the tube and ask yourself what have you done today. Walk outside and look at the sky and tell me if it's blue or if it's just you. I can't help it but feel all clenched up inside and somedays I feel just selfish as if I want to wrap the whole world into my hands and bounce it as a rubber ball.

If I was to roll that ball against the odds of other planets, I don't think my ball would get very far to Jupiter. Some days I think it's this ticking sound that goes on and off in my head and I'm the original one to blame. I don't feel all alone but I feel insiginificant to Monty Python's meaning of life.

Look at all the rock star legends, Jimmy Page, Kurt Cobain, and James Maynard Keenan. (James Maynard Keenan: Not yet a legend, yet not dead)

This is it, the race to life. Are we going to die young?

cdoudt@gmail.com — Tue, 02 May 2006 20:23:34 GMT

Everything feels like the Pelican Brief.

There's a hidden episode where I. King Jordan resigns and then Jane K. Fernandes automatically wins the new presidential election. Isn't this some kind of weird concidence? The Presidential Search Committee has reccomended Ron J. Stern to become the next President of Gallaudet University and somehow the Board of Trustees chose to ignore that and not only that, they ignored the warnings from the Presidential Search Committee that electing Jane K. Fernandes will cause problems.

Is it some kind of coincidence that the election already happened months ago? Was it because of when I. King Jordan accidently introduced the Provst as the President of the University when he actually meant to say Provost? Not only to mention that, it happened twice, not once, but twice that I. King Jordan blurted out the mistake. How did we not see this coming, some people having seen some puzzle fall into pieces knew this was going to happen. Jokes were spread on campus before the election saying that Fernandes had it in the bag. Everything was falling down to the last pieces of the puzzle, Fernandes was already predicted to win the election no matter what.

Back in December when I. King Jordan announced his resignation from Gallaudet University after eighteen long years, he had a plan devised in his head. He knew from day one, he wanted the appointed Provost to become the next president of the university to cover up something. The provost, who came into Gallaudet University approximately eleven years ago, was appointed by I. King Jordan without the faculty's approval. As much as to dismiss the faculty's approval, I. King Jordan went along with everything as planned.

The Provost's educational background and experience may make up for its resume, but even the brightest kind of people do not have the personality of a snake or a wretched witch. Upon understanding that the University has decided to take action for the incidents from last fall, the Hyatt and Goalpost incident, the Provost was responsible for informing the students that the action that we did was wrong. This does not give the right for the Provost to be angry with us with a personal agenda nor does it give the right for her to criticize the student body as if we were simply inferior to her. How can we give praise to the future president of Gallaudet University that once acted superior upon her own actions.

She may have a degree that none of the Gallaudet students do, she may have published a book, and achieved that not many people can do in her role. It still doesn't give her the right to become the new president of Gallaudet University. The students do not feel that she will represent Gallaudet University and the deaf community in the future.

The Board of Trustees may comment and say that Jane K. Fernandes is qualified for the position and after making several hard decisions, that she is clearly ready for the position. They may believe that the future can be trusted in Dr. Fernandes' hands, but the students do not feel the same way as the Board of Trustees do.

I'll update more later.

cdoudt@gmail.com — Wed, 19 Apr 2006 00:55:45 GMT

Introduction, the beggining stage of life.

We're all introduced to the little flowers in life. Lilacs, Tulips, and Daisies. We often take a moment to smell the roses, but do we smell the flowers or trees? Spinning little petals that fall off the trees signifies the downfall of beautiful weather. The aroma of flowers tend to overflow the campus of Kendall Green with beauty.

It starts when the flowers first bloom and give off aroma. Every step and breath we take adds a little inspiration to the soul. It's as if we were born yesterday with much innocence in our soul that makes us unseemingly naive. It's what we want and what we can't have.

My first year at Gallaudet is coming to an end very soon. There's not enough time or space to complete your duty. You meet new friends and old friends. Your life signifies the same parallel concept as to a flower. Flowers bloom in the spring and you bloom in the fall. You die during the winter and live again during the spring. It's a long continuous painful cycle. It never ends until you're seventy-three years old.

An age of thirty one with an age of twenty two brings a nineteen year old closer together. It's the bond, the energy that is spread between each other that brings them closer. It's the pain and sorrow that makes them stronger.

Every day ends and every day begins.

My heart goes out to everybody :]

cdoudt@gmail.com — Sun, 16 Apr 2006 06:56:14 GMT

Sometimes things in life is so full of bullshit.

I can't tolerate it and neither should you. There are two sides to Gallaudet University. A good and a bad side.

I hope you all don't find the bad side riding on your back.

cdoudt@gmail.com — Sat, 15 Apr 2006 16:52:30 GMT

If an artist can draw a picture, can a writer simply write words to become one?

The pilfering of one's thoughts doesn't happen easily. I was in the mood of crying last night. I had a flashback memory triggered by my cryings. I felt betrayed at first and then I realized, I was sad because I missed everything I had. I wanted to be a kid again, only 12 years of age and ignorant.

Imagine all the pain I felt last night was only for one person and myself. All the pain outside in the world is too much to handle for just one person, we all should share our pain with each other. David did a great job of getting a grip on reality because sometimes there isn't just one kingdom in the world, there is two.

There's a bright side and a dark side to everything, like this movie Mirrormask. For those of you who haven't seen it, it's one of Neil Gaiman's work and it's beautifully directed by Dave McKean.

That brings me to thought about the world today, as if the government proceed with ignorning the people out in the world. Poverty, starvation, and the innocence of everyone is denied because of comformity? Is it because they say so?

I have no idea what I'm feeling right now but I'm going outside into the nice weather and spill my guts in the depths of DC. I'm going to smell the flowers today and watch the sun move very slowly. It's time for me to grow up and start writing again.

cdoudt@gmail.com — Sun, 19 Mar 2006 16:24:39 GMT

I am reading two books, everything is illuminating and the pelican brief. I'm trying to memorize all of the countries in the world and their capitals. I am trying to touch fifty states and other countries before I die. I am interested in my philosophy class not because of the teacher, but because the subject itself fascinates me.

I dream about becoming a writer, a completely different one in my own aspects. I don't want to write for the audience but for myself and to educate the people.

I like aphorisms because they're very simple and straight to the point.

I love creating stories that aren't real and ethnical. I need to learn how to give my characters more depth. I will read from the dictionary everyday with five new words per day.

I need to buy a new digital camera soon. I already have one in mind. I just ordered a few books from amazon.com. I'm interested in reading about music bands and their life. I've read Scar Tissue by Anthony Kiedis who was the lead singer of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Nirvana is next, mostly about Kurt Cobain.

My newfound passion is music. I love wikipedia because it has everything in it.

In the end, I am still okay.

Someday

cdoudt@gmail.com — Fri, 03 Mar 2006 19:41:28 GMT

Someday - Flipsyde

You were right, the hardest thing is to get over the things that you don't want to get over. Before you say anything else, you know... you were right.

Often at times I wouldn't listen to myself but that was okay, I let myself have it. I know the hardest thing is to accept. Whatever has happened, has happened.

The hardest thing for me to do is to trek through the snow coming down hard in front of me. It's never easy to survive through a blizzard without warm clothes and fire. It's only a suggestion, a temptation of faith in front of you. The devil may hand you its hand but there's a price to pay.

I keep thinking to myself that everything will be okay. There's no way to comfort yourself except for yourself. Funny enough, the hardest thing to do is to get in touch with yourself and ask yourself to move on. At first I wouldn't do it, what was the point of it? I was already over it, I was already trekking down the wrong side of the forest with a mask of sanity.

The forest would be beautifully spent, paid by the highest boss to cover up a simple mistake. The forest would filled with paint, forest green with sunlight yellow. If that wasn't enough, there'd be a robotic rabbit from a sight or two, maybe you'd hear some electronic bird chirping and you'd be amazed at how real it sounds.

There's no spike traps or bottomless pits in the forest, it's never too late to turn back. Then again, the alluring beauty of something that's realistic as you think isn't easy to turn back. The farther you walk down the forest, the more destruction you create behind yourself. Nuclear warheads spent and trashed, more totalarian leaders are created, and millions of dollars burnt.

cdoudt@gmail.com — Sun, 26 Feb 2006 18:37:16 GMT

beautiful days don't die easily.

the sun shines too much during winter, it's supposed to be gloomy and dark with a depressing theme this year. I guess I should be thanking the sun and reeses for bright days during the winter.

you learn new things everday from experience. you meet new people that you've never seen before. and once you know that person, it becomes something inside your head. along with all the people you've known, you don't know which one is the right one.

there's no point in standing down and not doing the things you want to do. sometimes you need to stand up and face everything in front of you as if there were no way to do anything else.

if somebody says "a wise man knows when to stop but a fool doesn't," does it make the fool bad?

cdoudt@gmail.com — Wed, 25 Jan 2006 02:06:18 GMT

I have been talking to myself secretly, only when I get the chance to be alone and happy.

cdoudt@gmail.com — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 03:39:43 GMT

incommunicado: without the means or right to communicate.

this pretty much explains how i feel.

cdoudt@gmail.com — Sun, 15 Jan 2006 06:50:49 GMT

there won't be anymore updates for a while.

a few pictures will be here and there.

contacts: calvincopter/dangerous dork - aim.
emails: calvincopter@gmail.com/tmail.com

let's have a smashing second semester y'all. <3

cdoudt@gmail.com — Fri, 13 Jan 2006 05:40:52 GMT

I'm a genius. Smarter than everyone thinks. It's sad though, I spend days and days thinking about something and then just when I figure something else, nobody understands it. Take a low below if you want to understand what I’m talking about. Don’t’ wish for it though, it won’t happen to you.

A few days later

I don't give a damn what you think anyway. Never did anyway.

I call myself a dork, people call me a dork, and I like being a dork. Dorks are among us, dork united.

A month later

I told King Solomon that I wouldn't work for him anymore. He doesn't get it. I don't think anyone gets it. The longer you stay, the more you lose. I'm not going to lose anything. Not the woman of my dreams. I'd steal her and ride off the flaming sunset and get what I want. All this work makes me sick.

She's beautiful. I can’t stop thinking about her, god damn it. Let me be free please. Love makes me want to rip my heart out and hold it to the open sky as a sacrifice. A pure-bred Italian stallion if someone was to put it that way. I'd put my hand on that horse and lasso her up. Make her my beauty and brand her, make her untouchable. But aye, she's a fighter. A mighty one if you only knew. She's a princess. If there were other princess in the world, they're all frauds. Don't believe what they say.

Anyway, I packed up my gear and left a note for King Solomon. I had trouble writing the note. I didn't know what to say at first and I think I was trembling at the thought of disobeying the King. I mean, I've heard cruel stories of the King lashing out his own employees for not simply obeying his orders. I shudder at the sheer thought of them finding me once I leave.

As you read this letter, you shall know that I'm no longer working here. I've already told several people that I'm leaving this job. I'm heading south to South America. I've set my trusty clock back an hour and I will be back for several things that I've hidden behind. Please don't try to bother or find me, I’ll be hidden among the shadows

I don't think it'll work. King Solomon stops at nothing, he'll probably send his employees after me and I'll have to surrender and it'll be a long journey back home. Oh my.

The sunset was beautiful, that's all I can say. The gleaming glare of the sun shines off the foliage of the trees and it's quiet sundown. The leaves are green as the grass. There are several mud tracks along the dirty road; only few cars have been through here before. Several skeleton heads hang on the post along the way as a warning for the employees to stay away from King Solomon. I laugh at the thought of a decapitated head. It would be pretty funny if I had my head up on there.

I keep thinking to myself while driving my car, why do I feel left alone? I have been left alone for the past ten years anyway. King Solomon never cared; he just wanted me here for some pathetic reason. I guess it's not easy to say. I was only a child when I was taken away. Imprisoned for no reason, just a medical assessment they said. They made me read books, different symbols, different languages. I never understood.

That doesn't matter anymore does it? I mean, after all... I left the old sorry bastard for himself. I get confused sometimes when I think too much. Anger doesn't help much when you're frustrated. When you're angry you just feel like you want to explode of your cage and grab all the weapons you have and break loose. That'd be easy to say if I had weapons with me.

I don't understand myself sometimes. I'm in love with the most beautiful women of all and she's untouchable. She'll be mine someday.

A year later

I’ve found what I wanted. I know what I need and I have what I want. Only a few more days left until I regain what’s mine.

King Solomon died a few months back. He was on the internet somehow. He owed the company millions. Company went bankrupt, his employees scattered all over the place. They’re all like ex-KGB. Can’t trust them and there’s no chance in hell I’m going back. They found me once, but I got away just barely.

Several battle wounds and mental mistakes don’t really make you any tougher. They just drag you down and make you weaker. I don’t think I’ll be searched anymore. I found a safe spot, for now. Then I’ll be making my comeback out in public when the time’s right. There’s no more horse riding down the sunset with the princess anymore. That was all a dream. The past fades away pretty quickly and everything you knew in the past is just a faux.

I was just a kid back then, these scars made me who I am, drained with energy and sequestered with thirst; I feel the need to escape the sun; the attention captivates almost everyone.

My blood rushes every time I go out in public to gather the fruits. The thought of giving up never entered my mind, I’ll spill the truth someday.

I’ve questioned myself at times about you and I knew from the beginning this was no easy task. It all had to come to an end and you know what? Today was the day it ended.

cdoudt@gmail.com — Thu, 12 Jan 2006 05:24:29 GMT

Am currently reading American Gods by Neil Gaiman.

Trying to finish the 1st season of Six Feet Under. 2 more discs left to go on Netflix.

I need more music. Emo, punk, rock, alternative please.

My curren addiction involves sudoku. I've got nothing to lose at the moment except my family jewels.

I have a bunch of stuff I want to throw out. I don't think I will though.

cdoudt@gmail.com — Mon, 09 Jan 2006 23:06:47 GMT

durrr

happy holidays?

from the post secret exhibition. enjoy.

cdoudt@gmail.com — Sun, 01 Jan 2006 05:28:46 GMT

happy new year's.

i'm starved for attention and boredom.

good night, i'll be sleeping early tonight.

cdoudt@gmail.com — Sat, 31 Dec 2005 22:54:43 GMT

Title: [spaceman spiff] calvin
Subtitle: lets just say, index it.

About me:

Name: Calvincopter
Age: 18
Location: Medina, Ohio
Gender: Male
Horoscope: Pisces
Zodiac Sign: Rabbit

Mini-profile: Hi, Lost kid without screwdrivers, new ones wanted. Music, Computers, Books are my thing. The greatest invention ever is the internet. Bill Gates is my god. Microsoft Works is an oxymoron. <3 Calvin

the end :D

So much more

cdoudt@gmail.com — Tue, 20 Dec 2005 02:16:13 GMT

I'm still alive and happy :]

happy holidays ladies and gent's.

nanaaa

cdoudt@gmail.com — Wed, 07 Dec 2005 22:10:30 GMT

www.postsecret.blogspot.com

buy the book.

cdoudt@gmail.com — Fri, 02 Dec 2005 20:59:56 GMT

starting from today to whenever, no more public updates. most of my entries are private. thought everyone should know that.

happy holidays.

cdoudt@gmail.com — Wed, 19 Oct 2005 18:59:44 GMT

Midterm Grades Report

English: B
Pre-Calculus: B
History: B
FYS: A

Whoever said Gallaudet's easy was wrong big time.

cdoudt@gmail.com — Mon, 17 Oct 2005 16:21:56 GMT

My fingertips are tingling. It's a special feeling, sensation of the hand. Well if you haven't seen my hand, it's pretty much bloodied and bruised up from the football game last weekend.

Last night I had a dream. I wanted to type up a livejournal entry of what I was going to do today. I dreamed of a kiss and how it was related to bees.

A kiss is like a bee flying in the middle of a field. It searches for pollen in the wild and it finds the one it wants. It lands on the outer tips of the petal and it takes what it craves for. A bee would go through great lengths to find pollen inside a stigma. Wary of its dangers around, it doesn't stop just for one thing. Bees are normally blind during the night time, so you can imagine what they're like during the daytime. It follows around the sun rays and the warmth of the sky.

A kiss is very much a rare opporunity of sharing something special with someone important. We have chapsticks to protect our lips from the sun or the weather. We have our handy chapstick in our pockets and we reach for them whenever we feel like doing something to our lips. We preserve our lips in an unaltered condition.

Well, allow me to get to the point. I want a kiss. If it's better, I'd say I want to give a kiss. It's like a cinderella story, it's special and nobody knows how it feels. I gotten a hollywood kiss before and nothing can top that. The image, the setting, the plot was strangely perfect for the wrong place and wrong time.

cdoudt@gmail.com — Wed, 07 Sep 2005 00:57:04 GMT

Isn't there a moment when your eyes become blurry and you feel fatigued at the moment? It's when your feelings start to throb in your chest and you know it isn't your heart that's bothering you. It takes years and years to understand the human body without any complexation. I feel the same way as I feel inside of my body. I don't understand things normally as other humans do.

It's like the ice age filled with wonderous snow and ice all over the planet. Just when you thought you knew everything that your heart could melt, it isn't true. When you ask yourself the same question over and over again, you suddendly get tired of yourself and you feel like you want to flee at the moment. I'm tired of making things happen and I want things happen to me without doing anything.

Is it possible for me to ask for something that doesn't exist? Does it require us to abide the rules of society that makes us weak? My heart is big enough to fit all the people I love inside of it. It's hugmongus and filled with different shades of red. Billions of tiny cells travel in packs and the foundations lies within the human body.

Every one of the human body becomes in sync with familiarities of the bodies outside of us. We live in harmony with the same type as nature lives around us. I know many different types men and women that live around us everyday. Do you ever wonder about the girl who walks by you everyday about how she feels? Have you ever been stuck in traffic and asked yourself, where is everybody going?

Haven't you gotten sick and tired of looking at the sky everyday and wish you knew everything beyond the sky? I'm sick and tired of looking at space at night time waiting for something to happen. There are billions of different paths for the human body to travel through. The white and red blood cells travel through the veins, arteries, and capillaries inside the body.

Just when does the human body exactly stops? When we give up dreaming or when we become old? Or is it just when our dreams fade away and we face reality that we're going to die soon? We could just lose ourselves at anytime and anywhere.

How now, brown cow, not now. :D